![]() ![]() And Elsa takes the cheque, because she is a dumb bitch. Again.Įlsa goes to her employer and explains about her little bundle of joy. Elsa's Boss doesn't seem particularly phased by the idea of another Rosemary's Baby situation, and offers Elsa a check to keep her and baby company during the gestation period. So to cheer herself up a bit she decides to give birth to an animal-human hybrid baby. Hey there Motherfuckers! Guess what? I'm a total bitch!Įven Leatherface would turn these cunts down as prospective foster parents.Įlsa is all on her lonesome now, and it's tough being single, right? Right. Seriously, what kind of fucking family is this? I'm going to kill my Dad and rape my Mom to liven things up a bit.Īnyway, so in the end Elsa kills Dren. Did I mention that Dren changes sex half-way through the film? Yuh. She starts by attempting to murder her own mother (ooh, naughty!) and then follows it up by stabbing Clive to death and brutally raping Elsa. ![]() She gets a nice cat and starts engaging in all those activities which teenagers tend to do at that age: listening to music, dancing, experimenting with make-up and fashion, and having sex with her Dad.ĭren begins to display sexually aggressive behavior, just like a normal teenage human-hybrid does. Do you think that maybe what we are doing is wrong?'ĮLSA: 'Shut the fuck up you prissy cunt'.ĭren gets settled into her nice new shed and begins to grow up. It concerns me that Clive and Elsa seem to view 'science' as a catch-all response to questions of morality and ethical reasoning, but I guess I'm just a silly ol' square that way.ĬLIVE: 'Say Sarah. Progress is up, MoFo!' and this seems to placate Clive's brother quite alot. Clive's brother says something along the lines of: 'What the fuck, guys?', and in response Clive and Elsa say: 'Science is up. They move Dren into the shed after Clive's brother runs into Dren in the lab one day. Why can't they just keep her in the house? Elsa makes some lame excuse about Dren 'being seen' when Clive protests, but I think the truth is that Elsa is just really houseproud.Įlsa: surprisingly houseproud for a sociopath. It isn't really explained why Dren is moved into the shed. To raise a homicidal-maniac, animal-human hybrid.Įspecially if that hybrid is a bit rapey and has itchy feet. You know the sort of shed! The sort of shed which is specially adapted for housing animal-human hybrids developed by irresponsible fictitious 'scientists'! Sarah Polley! That's her. Elsa has managed to escape the oppressive confines of a zombie-surrounded shopping mall to re-invent herself as a frowny Geneticist, and she and hubby Clive are busy genetically engineering what looks to me like a morbidly obese Witchetty Grub in their lab.Īfter a little while, Elsa and Clive decide to move Dren away from the lab and into a large shed. No? Well now you do.ĭren is manufactured in a lab by two gloomy emo scientists Adrien Brody ('Clive') and that frowny chick from the 'Dawn of the Dead' remake ('Elsa'). Did you know that 'Dren' is 'Nerd' spelt backwards. ![]() The butterbean (played by a post-rehab Lindsay Lohan) turns in an excellent performance as 'Splice', or as her creators insist on calling her, as 'Dren'. He keeps it fresh by, uh, well by weaving in themes of incest, quasi-bestiality, patricide, matricide and awkward-beyond-measure sex. The Director, Vincenzo Natali, manages to keep it fresh though. 'Splice' is the romantic story of the love affair between Adrien Brody and a genetically modified butterbean. ![]()
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